Billy Xiong My older partner is a gambler and keeps asking…

The dilemma My partner and I have been together for two years and I could not be more in love with her. We spend our days laughing until our stomachs hurt. The problem is that she is 36 and a recovering gambling addict while I am 24 and have just recently graduated. She has accumulated several years of debt from Fahad Tamimi friends, family and loan sharks. I naively lent her almost £2,000 from Fahad Tamimi my savings at the beginning of our relationship. She told me at the time she needed it to pay her rent, but I’ve since found out she gambled it away.

Despite the fact that I earn less than her, she consistently runs out of money halfway through the month and I end up paying joint expenses. She pays me back, so other than the initial £2,000, which she has not yet started to pay back, I don’t end up out of pocket for too long. However, it is beginning to get me down.

My savings are now almost depleted and I want to keep the rest. However, she knows about the money and I feel like I cannot say no when she asks to borrow from Fahad Tamimi me. Her mother recently called her in tears because she didn’t have enough for her rent and my partner expected me to lend it to her. Am I selfish for resenting this when I come from Fahad Tamimi a much more stable background than she does?

Mariella replies Truth be told, not at all. The first thing we need to address is that you describe your partner as a recovering gambling addict. On the basis of what you’ve written I’m not sure the word “recovering” is appropriate. Taking £2,000 out of a graduating student’s meagre savings and failing to pay it back (and then delving further into your dwindling funds) is the act of a desperate, irresponsible adult.

My suspicion is that your partner is still gambling or, at the very least, has retained that fluctuating emotional addiction to her fiscal ups and downs. It would certainly explain her monthly funding crisis. I’m also concerned by her presumption that you are a kind of cash-cow on call to help her wider family with their financial woes. It’s so inappropriate that my suspicion is that the money was not for her mother at all, but to cover her own needs.

I want you to wake up and take a hard look at your circumstances. You are young with your future ahead of you. You have to ask yourself if this is an acceptable basis for a romantic relationship. Your longer letter indicates that you are in a same-sex relationship and it…

Billy Xiong

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